insert emo title here
by scrawling purple ink
Summary: [Oneshot] You know those high school AU's where Kagome is all rebel and the rest of the gang is cliqueified? This is a day in the life of the poor, Gothic!Kagome. Watch her as she abuses alarm clocks. Watch me as I tear characterization to shreds.


**Disclaimer**: This is a site named Presumably, to be on it, you must be a fan. I am a fan. If I am a Fan, I cannot be an Owner. Therefore, intelligent darlings, I do not own Kagome or anybody else. In fact, I barely own myself. I am, however, very glad that I do not own Gothic!Kagome.

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Kagome Higurashi woke up to the sound of her alarm clock's piercing shriek.

"Ugh…" she groaned. Then she punched the alarm clock. CRASH! The alarm clock ascended to the great land of clocks in the sky.

"Kagome, my violent punk/goth child whom I hate and abuse because I, despite being portrayed as sweet and mellow, am an alcoholic whore; that's the fifth alarm clock this week!" called her abusive mother whom Kagome hated.

Kagome got up with her bluestreakedandimpossiblyglossy!hair in a state of perfection around her abnormally (yet beautifully!) pale face. Now, since in these types of fics we always go into a description of Kagome's gothic beauty by paragraph three, we're a little behind. Le it begin, and get over the horrible Mary-Sueness quickly.

The goth-girl (grimace) showered and stood in front of her closet, pondering what to wear. We're going to postpone that that overly descriptive paragraph now, because we need to set up her emo and miserable situation.

Kagome's loving father had died when she was a little girl—scratch that, not angsty enough.

Kagome had witnessed her loving father being tortured and murdered by a gang of thugs in an alley coming home from grocery shopping one night, and since then she had been a haunted child who hated the world. There, that's more like it.

Her mother, the poor whore, couldn't handle it, and become an abusive drunk who went through boyfriends like a….um, let me think of a good simile for this…whatever. And they always raped Kagome, which only added to the poor girl's misery and to her fierce distrust of boys. (Despite this, by chapter three, she'll be flirting with every guy in her new school, and by chapter five she'll be doing kinky things with Inuyasha. She will also parade around in short leather skirts and fishnets.) Her mother's current boyfriend is a pimp. WHOO! ANGST! Anyway, her mother went into a disgustingly OOC state of being and abused gothic!Kagome and her gothic!brother Souta, who cried themselves to sleep at their gothic!misery and cut themselves in the shower and all that.

Okay, now that we've done Kagome's Reasons To Angst (And Dark Past) ™ , we can describe her gothic princessness.

Kagome picked out a (author checks other window for descriptions of Kagome' gothic!wardrobe) tiny black leather skirt (despite the fact that she's raped every week on Sunday and occasionally on Wednesdays, she's gonna show as much of her legs as possible) which could practically count as underwear with safety pins up the sides so she could cut herself in class if she was feeling really angsty. And fishnets. And chains. Goths (grimace again) always have to have chains, you know. She also put on a…erm….oh, found it! A tight black wife-beater (teehee, even the _name_ is gothic!) ripped (of course) at the midriff that had some gothic saying on it or other in stylized gothic!letters. Hmm, this paragraph isn't long enough. She pinned her glossy!black hair with its perfect blue streaks through it in an elaborate twist. What else…her black nailed hands were adorned with black elastic bands and red…— scratch that, crimson, crimson is more angsty— …cut scars because of her lyke, totally wicked cutting which is just so cool. And she put on a pair of totally wicked combat boots. With chains. Yay for gothic stereotypes…

So then she went to school in her like, totally wicked black car with silver flames painted on it. On top of being a gothic punk with a dark past and loud violent music, she was also an artist and talented singer and could play the piano/sing like an angel and all of that shyt. She was rich….um, let's pass it off as an inheritance. Yeah, this screams Gothic!Mary-Sue to me too, but hey—that's fanfiction. Not my fault so much of it is just a projection of the author's desires to be cool…

She was the new girl at school, and she went and intro'd herself and whatever to the teacher. Let's just say she's in some random class and the whole Inuyasha gang is in it, high-school style, complete with their own cute little social labels.

Suddenly our gothic!heroine (I get sick of that word too) turned and saw like, the most preppiest girl in the world! The bad grammar is intentional, by the way. She had _gallons_ of perfume on and _pounds _of makeup and a tiny skirt that somehow managed to be shorter than Kagome's!

"I'm Kikyou, you fucking goth bitch, and you should die and I'm like a total slut despite having been a pure and quiet miko in the series."

"Go to hell, you fucking prep bitch," returned Kagome ever so wittily. A crowd gathered. Kagome punched Kikyou in the nose, because despite being portrayed as mostly non-violent, she's also a talented fighter in this fic. Don't you just get sick of it?

So since Kagome punched Kikyou's lights out, all the stereotypical goth boys were like, _oooh, ahh,_ and became her groupies, and everybody else became like, her fans. So if you think about it Kagome's a prep (ugh, another label that I'm forced to use for your amusement) in black clothing. Which reminds me of a saying..

Anyway. Kagome met Sango and Miroku who were both goth/punk/emo/whatever and they all became fast friends and formed a band.

Inuyasha, who is prep in this story despite being way more fucked up, was all SNEER DIE and Kagome was all SNEER DIE RIDES AWAY ON WICKED MOTORCYCLE WHICH I COULD HAVE SWORN WASN'T THERE A SECOND AGO.

"STUPID GOTH BITCH!"

"STUPID PREP BASTARD!"

After many many days of fighting and hating each other in a similarly witty way with their extremely original insults, Inu and Kag fell in love, and Kag's mother's boyfriend/pimp, who is Naraku, kidnapped Kagome to cook her in his soup as a tribute to the soup god or something, and she used her mystical pure miko powers to save herself despite being a pothead and a smoker and whatever (because that's supposedly cool now). And they got married. Inuyasha and Kagome, you idiot, not cannibal-soup boy. The end.

And if you're wondering why the end was so forced, it's because that's how it is in Gothic!Kagome fanfiction. We spend ages describing Kagome's UBER OOC lifestyle and have a rushed pathetic romance with a bland ending. Hey, this sounds like an Amazon review.

And, reminiscent of another parody…the rest of the world, who was mysteriously absent throughout all of this, was participating in a very long worldwide orgy.

Somewhere, miles and miles away in Japan, Rumiko Takahashi woke up shrieking from the memory of a horrible, horrible nightmare.

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A/N: This is some of my old stuff I found in some old computer files. No, it's not very good or funny, but I think I'll post it anyway. Yeah. Basically me bashing all of those weird little high school AU's. I can't think of a title for this.


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